mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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