Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
is that a dick in a sweater?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
