it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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