I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize