Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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