my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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