I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
