Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
