i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
