Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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