apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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