She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
