I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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