it hurts more in the daytime
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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