who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
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woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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