my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
