Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
