oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
