wat bout pragnant strippers??
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
