ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
