Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We have so much sex to catch up on
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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