I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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