His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
