I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
