it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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