come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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