Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
