u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
