I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
