You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
