my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
