we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
