I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Fuck appropriateness.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
