Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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