Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
