I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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