It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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