i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
