Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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