The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's the barista slut.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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