hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
