I accidentally had phone sex last night
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
