Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
