i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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