I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
