i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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