Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
