she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
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If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize