am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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