Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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