Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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