just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
