Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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