Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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