She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
