I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
