I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
